HUMBUG

I can’t help but feel that Christmas, as we celebrate it now, is a bit of a disappointment. First of all, it is so commercialised, children with a massive sense of entitlement demanding bikes i-pads, mobile phones, ponies etc. and indulgent parents spending hundreds even thousands of pounds on their presents. Then people feel under pressure to buy expensive presents for all and sundry; mostly what they buy is not what the recipient would want, and either goes on to e-bay or in the bin two weeks after Christmas. I have some very dear friends who have the right idea “if I can’t eat it, or preferably drink it, I don’t want it”. A decent bottle of wine, a cheese or even better a jar of homemade jam or chutney is all that we should need to give each other.

 Then we have to start preparing weeks in advance, for one day, shopping, ordering food, buying and decorating a tree etc. Most people buy in enough food to withstand a siege and then half of it ends up being thrown away; come on folks the shops are open again on Boxing day in any case.

Then we have the Christmas dinner; starter, turkey, stuffing, pigs in blankets, roasties, gravy, sprouts, pudding, sparkling wine, cocktails, white wine, red wine, cheese, port. A very difficult meal to pull together especially if catering for a lot of people and quite frankly nothing special even if you get it just right. I have been very lucky with friends and relatives but for many the whole occasion is made much worse by having to share it with relatives that they can’t stand. Then after a day of gross overindulgence in food and alcohol we are expected to play silly games until it is time to fall asleep in front if the telly, the programmes on which are even worse than usual at this time of year. I remember a better time when people related to each other; going into friends and neighbours houses for mulled wine and homemade mince pies, pubs with roaring log fires not big screen TV’s. Now people isolate themselves from reality and each other with electronic devices, then go home bolt the doors and watch crap on TV all night. Maybe it is just that doing Christmas year after year has turned it into a chore. Just one other thing, for those that have left over turkey, who doesn’t? I can recommend Jamie Oliver’s recipe for left-over turkey and leek pie, I enjoyed it more than Christmas dinner. It is also a good idea to boil up all that is left and the carcass to make stock for soups etc. I didn’t waste a gram of this year’s turkey.

Any way we get marginalized, just like Jesus whose birthday is what is all supposed to be about, if we are critical in any way. So please do not say “baah humbug” to those if who have the courage to tell the truth. Toodle pip.      

Cruise Christmas

Just got back from a Med cruise including the Holy Land. This was probably a bit more apt for the season than in 2016, when on Christmas day we were standing in the courtyard of one of the Sultan of Oman’s many palaces with the wail from the minarets of three different Mosques ringing in our ears. This year I had a bit of a “road to Damascus” experience, to tell the truth more of a “whaleoilbeefoct” experience, on a trip to Nazareth and the Sea of Galilee. We had a very scholarly and knowledgeable guide and I learned a lot about Jesus and the times he lived in, all of it very different from what I was taught at school. I am not religious and wouldn’t even call myself a Christian but I will say it is almost certain that Jesus was a real person. He was very charismatic, a revolutionary and eventually was killed for daring to challenge, and especially encourage others to challenge, the “Establishment” of the time. Whether He is/was the Son of God is not for me to say, I don’t know, but obviously there are billions who think He was/is. I would however recommend His teachings way over and above those of the leading figure of a certain other major religion; and still more relevant, even two thousand years later. It is a pity that Christmas, which is supposed to be a celebration of His birth, has now marginalised Him and instead become more about overindulgence and overconsumption. The moneylenders are not only in the temple they are turning it into a branch of Barclays or even worse Wonga. It has to be said that the Christian church must take some of the blame for this as they hi-jacked many of the Pagan festivals in the first place in their quest to convert people to Christianity. I suspect that if Jesus was alive today, OK I know some of you would say He is, He would not approve of many of the established churches. Anyway, as I now know a bit more of the truth about Him, He will be more in my thoughts in future, as a man, not a supernatural being.

 I had a similar experience when visiting the Royal Yacht Britannia in Edinburgh, I am going off-piste again but there is a ship connection. This reminds me of the only time I went skiing when I went just off-piste into a snowdrift, I was so firmly embedded I couldn’t move and was eventually rescued by a friendly German, a sort of good Samaritan moment; I wish I has started skiing and surfing when I was a bit younger, did I mention almost drowned the first time I tried surfing. Anyway, before visiting Britannia I had never given much thought to the Queen and was probably more anti-royal than royalist but I remembered her saying, when they took her yacht away, that it was the only place where she could truly relax. I know the Monarchy is a bit of an anachronism but the Queen has been in Buck House for as long as I can remember. The first time I even saw a TV was the Coronation, for younger readers, yes there was a time when only a small minority had TV and we would have to wait a few more decades for mobile phones,. The whole street was invited into the only home with a TV to watch it on a ten-inch black and white screen. Governments of all shades have come and gone but she has remained; we have probably been lucky with her and when she goes we will have Charles. He is a crusty old bugger but I can identify with that, at least he cares about the environment and preserving that which needs to be preserved. When he goes the Royal Family will just be another branch of “celebrity”.

When you think about it the Monarch is never really free to do what most of us take for granted; go for a walk on the fells and a pint or two in the pub after; sit in pj’s in front of the telly with a pizza and a couple of glasses of wine; etc. On Britannia, HM and the Duke had separate cabins with single beds, it was all a bit 1950’s suburban middle class. I wonder how many of us would relax on a Royal Navy ship, I suppose it helps if you are the Royal and it is your navy, but you are not going to be able to sunbathe topless on the deck, or roll one and chill out to Bob Marley. The Royal Yacht was, of course, not only used for the amusement of the Royals, but also used for state visits and hosted high level meetings with other heads of state and even served as a hospital ship during the Falklands war. It was prestigious but not in a vulgar way like Air Force One and really epitomized the quiet dignified British way of doing things in a time when there still was a quiet dignified British way of doing things. However, we can also put on a good parade when the occasion demands; compare the Household Cavalry riding down The Mall for the “changing of the guard”, with US marching bands or tasteless displays of military might like the  May Day parades. I seem to be finding myself becoming more patriotic these days, must be the Brexit effect; I am just lucky to have known those times before our society became so appalling. For most of my young life I aspired to be a liberal leftie but to tell the truth I was never really happy with it, it was just what one did. I looked at the right wing, who we were supposed revile, but many of them were nice people, and I had a sneaking admiration for many of their views. They also seemed to have more fun and were more open-minded and tolerant than the lefties. I am not talking about the Thatcherite hard right here, more the right-wing equivalent of champagne socialists.

 Anyway, to get back to cruises, the latest one was in an American ship run by, confusingly called, Norwegian Cruise Lines. like the Queen I find ships good for relaxing and a cruise can be useful for visiting places one might be curious about but don’t actually want to go on a holiday to. Last year’s cruise was in that category, I’m glad I have seen Dubai and was impressed with the tallest building in the world, I have ridden on a camel across the desert but would not be in rush to do either of those again. On the other hand I would go back to Oman, fabulous place. This year’s winter cruise was full of fat Americans and I mean fat enough to make me feel slim. We ate in Cagney’s Steak House one night and watched the guy on the next table munch his way through a 26 oz. Porterhouse steak. This chunk of meat was the size of a plate and 2 inches thick; I am a carnivore myself but this would have done me for 4 good meals. He then made a fuss about having de-caff coffee, I think the damage was already done, not that de-caff is any healthier than fully leaded.  I also have some reservations, cruise ships are not very friendly to the environment and as cruising goes down-market they are building more and more of them. Neither are they very healthy and gross overindulgence in food and drink is almost obligatory, we try and limit ourselves to one a year. I think I have said enough for now so y’all have a good Christmas, don’t forget what it is all about, but you can overindulge as well if you like, I will be and I may even raise a glass to Jesus and to HM the Queen.